Stressed out!

I am totally stressing out and not coping well at all. See over the last 4-6 weeks there have been talks of lay offs at my work. Layoffs because of the Gov't cut to the budget to all agencies in Ontario. They did come back and give all the agencies a total of something like 24 million, however that was distributed between all the Ontario agencies, not 24 million each. Basically the Gov't is saying you are all running your own deficit, and you need to fix that. How are the Ontario agencies fixing that, well my local agency is doing that by making cuts. Cuts to staffing, cuts to programs being run.

Well when this all started I remember hearing that our Executive Director would be presenting her plan as to where the money will get cut from on March 25th, and our Union Rep said that we should all know the following day the 26th. Now. . . . There is a union meeting Wednesday (the 24th). So this time line still fits, union meeting Wednesday, ED presents her cuts to the board Thursday and they make the lay off's (either by 12 week notice or immediate notice *with 12 weeks of pay*) Friday (always do firings and lay offs on a Friday so that people don't come to work then next day and shoot the place up - right). I am freaking out. I did not realize how badly I am freaking out until just last night.

I am freaking out so badly because, yes I do have a total of 3 jobs, however my full time job, is TEMPORARY and the contract is up June 30th (with a possible renewal, but we won't find out if there is funding till the end of AUG), and if I get laid off from this local part time job, I have no steady income. That is because my third job is a casual call in job. I work on average 1, maaaaaaaaaybe 2 times a month. I can't live off that. And I totally feel like I am vulnerable to being laid off. Why? Because I have only been with the agency for (it will be) 3 years (in May), and I am part time. It says in the collective agreement that where ever possible part time staff will be cut before full time staff. So the rumour mill (and though I try not to get caught up in rumours, they eat away at me because what if they aren't just a rumour?!) is that all contract staff (full time or part time) will be cut first (not the perm positions, but the contract staff themselves), then part timers. Ugh! Obviously mgmt is also vulnerable to cuts too. Overall the agency is going to be cutting a minimum of 1,000,000.00$. Ugh.

I am seriously seriously freaking out. The clock is ticking.

I wish I was one of those people who when they were stressed out, couldn't eat. This is because I am the opposite. I have been snacking, and I have been snacking late at night. I have been snacking late at night after I have logged my food in my food diary. I haven't been snapping pictures of my snacking as I think to myself its just this little bit. However its not, its a lot. Then I am ashamed, mad at myself and I feel sick, like literally my stomach hurts.

I just want to cry. I haven't had the motivation to work out either. Part of this I was blaming on last week there were not aerobics classes, so I wasn't motivated to push myself. Well last night, after getting home from work when I should have been scurrying around making dinner then running off to Step class, I fell asleep. I slept through step class. This morning, I woke up at 7:20am. I had set my alarm for 4:50. . . . PM not am. I slept through spin class. I almost wonder if I am subconsciously sabotaging myself here. But also maybe this is just by subconscious telling me I need that extra rest because I am stressing out so much.

Ugh!

I feel beaten down. I hope that tomorrows union meeting snaps me out of this funk. Either way I am going out to dinner with two girlfriends Friday night. And I just may need to call Kevin to come and pick me up if the news is bad, because I will be drinking!

So anyways, to pick up where I left off yesterday with my food intake (and remember this isn't everything I ate. I did have some popcorn, with some melted butter and some ketchup flavoured seasoning.

Anyways, afternoon snack. Sadly I left the lid on after reheating them for too long, and they got mushing and wrinkly looking. I still ate them.

1/2 cup of organic Edamame.

I left work a little early (as I had the intentions of going to Step class), to go to the bulk barn and get some of my missing supplies needed and to stock up on some supplies I was running low on. I got the rest of what I needed to make 5 Minute Granola Bars.

Kevin always jokes and calls me a hippy because I eat granola, I used to be a complete vegetarian (eat boneless skinless white meat chicken and fish), and because I am trying new things (breakfast cookie & green monsters). So I sent him a txt msg while making the granola bars saying that I had transitioned to full on hippy. He asked why and I told him, because I have officially made my own homemade granola bars. He laughed and just asked that I not stop shaving lol. What a guy!

So here are the granola bars getting mixed up

some puffed rice cereal, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, chia seeds, rolled oats, PB, honey and maple syrup.
Laid out on a shallow baking pan, and divided into 12 sections

Individually packaged and stored in the fridge for easy access.

Does anyone have any suggestions or alternatives to being wasteful and using plastic wrap?

Dinner time came, and though I wasn't hungry as I sampled a granola bar (they are super!) it was nearing on 7pm, and I didn't want to eat too too late.

1/4 cup of cooked quinoa, 3/4 cup of broccoli, 3/4 cup cauliflower and 2 tsp of Japanese ginger dressing.

and 2.8 oz of salmon broiled.

I burned ZERO calories today (was gonna go run in the rain - which I love - but it was raining too hard)

No idea and don't want to really know what my calorie count was.

I drank 9, 8oz glasses of water though. The small glimmer of sunshine in my cloudy world right now.